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I remember when...
Everything was simple
Nothing was short of beautiful
And there was something in me
That used to draw you near.
But now things are significantly different
Constantly rotating
And you say that I'm not the person
I used to be.
As if I'm here, but not here
Far away, rather. At another place
You can't reach.
But what am I supposed to do
When getting through to you
Is a hopeless endeavor?
When falling and standing
For nothing, is the same thing?
No matter how tightly I hold your hand
You always slip through
Leaving me alone
Next to an old memory of you.
And I'm beside myself
With jumbled emotions
Yet, I still want you near.
Somewhere between here and there
Patience and Regret
The urge to push you away
And the desire to hold you close
Just to keep it together.
I guess I just don't really know
What kind of life I want
I just know that whatever it is
I want you in it.
©2009 *Medoriko
:iconmedoriko:

Author's Comments

A combination of conversations I have overhead, people who have told me things, and my consistently bad and depressing mood...Yeah, this is the aftermath. Like, dislike, Meh :shrug: It's more of a mixture of real life and how things are, added to how shitty I have felt in the last few months (though this poem has nothing to do with my relationship-just throwing that out there). Enjoy (I guess).

Critiques


:icongrelae:
This is certainly a very beautiful piece. You've managed to avoid most cliché's that seem to come with confusion, though there are a few that don't even stand out.

You are missing a few grammatical marks, but since I don't have much of a history of looking at your literature, I don't know if that's just your style of writing or not. So that doesn't exactly matter, though a few commas and periods might make it easier to read, or flow a bit better. But, the question mark after 'What am I supposed to do?' can be removed, since the question continues in the next two lines.

I think a lot of people can relate to this poem, which makes it easier to read in itself. The confusion of wanting someone, but not wanting them at the same time. The emotions that are too mixed up to sort out so you feel better. Letting something wonderful slip through your fingers, even if you do anything to hold on tight.

All in all, a beautiful read. I loved it, and I thank you for writing such a wonderful poem.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconneva-electra:
I think it's beautiful. I've never been able to write poetry very well. i guess that's why i stick to drawing-badly. :)

--
"All you need is LOVE"
:iconmedoriko:
I'm sure your poetry couldn't be bad. As long as it's something genuine :) That's how I feel. If it makes you feel any better, I can't draw worth a damn :lol:

--
Medoriko: The Ferocious Bitch <3

~ThunderCunt~
:iconneva-electra:
:D I'm not a very good drawer either. I just to it to soften the heartache of not being a very good poet. :D kidding

--
"All you need is LOVE"
:iconmedoriko:
:giggle: xD

--
Medoriko: The Ferocious Bitch <3

~ThunderCunt~
:iconbudukai:
Yea, I can see how wanting things not to change around you would feel like. Like watching your clock, wishing that it wouldn't move anymore, man that's depressing :(

--
God doesn't expect you to be superman :superman:, but occasionally expects you to be smartman :reading:
:iconusedlotofhell:
I agree fully with =Grelae, it's an amazing poem that people can relate to and it is indeed a beautiful piece, like a work of art.

Well done love. :)
:iconmedoriko:
XD It's what I do .

--
Medoriko: The Ferocious Bitch <3

~ThunderCunt~
:iconvertigoart:
When reading this, I imagined the voice getting more and more impassioned until the very end where the last line is just said with almost a sigh. Very nice piece.

--
Get yourself published: [link]

Creator of *DailyLitDeviations

Poetic Visions of an Uncut Mind: [link]
:iconmedoriko:
Thank you :) I'm glad you liked. It's interesting that (as I said in my little disclaimer) that I was feeling pretty impassioned as I wrote it. (Even though it has nothing to do with my actual life or my relationship). I guess a portion of that might have leaked into the poem :lol: But again, Thank you :)

--
Medoriko: The Ferocious Bitch <3

~ThunderCunt~

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May 3
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